Trying something new and daring to do something different is bold. That boldness can be unsettling to people who don’t understand it, or who are grappling with their own fears about what success or failure should look like.
In my 20+ years of entrepreneurship, and in mentoring women founders and leaders, I’ve noticed three main types of “Naysayers.” Let’s look at who they are, why they show up, and how you can protect your peace, purpose, and progress along the way.
Naysayer #1 — The Jealous One
There are two types here: those you deeply care about (like a partner or close friend), and those you really don’t (the mean girls, trolls, or nosy critics). Let’s start with the ones who matter most.
When you start breaking out of who you’ve been, people close to you may feel uncomfortable with this new version of you they don’t yet recognize. It stirs questions they may not even be aware of, such as:
- What does this mean for me?
- Will our relationship change?
- Will she still need me?
- What does it say about me if she’s growing and I’m not?
These aren’t conscious thoughts, they’re quiet fears. But they may show up as jokes, dismissive comments, or avoidance when you share something you’re excited about. And yes, it can hurt.
I’ve been there. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to take on their projections.
Instead, try curiosity: “I notice that when I bring this up, you seem to shut down or shut me down. What’s going on there?”
They might respond defensively and that’s okay. They’re processing. You can gently say, “We don’t have to figure this out now, but I’d love to talk when you’re ready.” You can even ask what would help them feel more comfortable as you grow: a check-in, an update, or just reassurance that they’re still part of your world.
The goal: Protect your energy. Get curious. Stay compassionate. But don’t carry their projections.
And as for the trolls and critics? Brush them off. Offer compassion for the fear that keeps them small — and keep flying anyway.
Naysayer #2 — The Worried One
The “worried one” usually shows up as a parent or older protector figure who simply wants you to be safe. And you can love them for that, because safety and stability do matter.
When you choose a bold new path, risk comes with it. So take a moment to define your own safety measures, such as your threshold for time, energy, and resources, so you know you’re not depleting yourself beyond repair. That gives you (and them) peace of mind and a foundation of clarity from which to move forward.
But there’s another layer: worried ones often carry a fixed belief about what “success” and “failure” look like. You don’t have to accept their definition. You get to define success on your own terms in ways that align with your purpose, growth, and values.
Some of my most meaningful ventures didn’t recoup the money I invested, but they gave me:
- New learnings that I applied to future opportunities,
- New connections that expanded my impact,
- A sense of meaning that couldn’t be measured in dollars,
- And often, future success I couldn’t yet see at the time.
The goal: Define what risk looks like for you. Redefine what success means for you.
When you do that, worry turns into wisdom — and you move forward with clarity and confidence.
Naysayer #3 — The Self-Critic
Ah, yes. The loudest naysayer of all. She lives in your head, she sounds like you, she knows all your secrets and fears, and she shows up strongest right when you’re about to level up.
Her job is to keep you safe. When you start doing something new — breaking patterns, challenging limits, expanding your comfort zone — she panics. “Alert, alert!” she says. “This isn’t familiar!” And because she doesn’t yet know how to navigate the path ahead for this new you, she’ll try to keep you where she feels safe, stuck in the old version of you.
Here’s how to disarm her: change how you respond. Try saying things like:
- “I know you’re trying to protect me.”
- “We’ll go slow. Let’s just try this one step.”
- “You can trust me. No matter what happens, we’ll be okay.”
- “Even if this fails, we’ll rise again. We always do.”
- “Thank you for keeping me safe.”
You’re not silencing her, you’re reassuring her. You’re teaching your old self to trust your new self. That’s how you build confidence and self-trust: the foundation of transformation.
I’ve had projects fail. I’ve been betrayed. I’ve fallen flat. Not every effort you make is going to be a win, especially if you’ve been at it for as long as I’ve had (and boring would that be?). And yet, those experiences are what taught me resilience, clarity, and conviction. They’re what brought me to where I am today and I am grateful.
The goal: Honor your fear, but don’t let it drive. Listen to your inner critic, thank her, and keep steering toward your purpose anyway, even if it means one small step, one stretch at a time.
Don’t Let the Naysayers Stop You
It takes courage to live with authenticity and purpose, to move beyond what’s expected and build something new. Along your journey, the Naysayers will appear, outside and within. But you have a choice:
To listen to them over yourself, or not.
To trust their fear, or your faith.Only you know what’s best for you. And even when “the best” doesn’t go the way you planned, it will eventually lead you to the clarity, meaning, and purpose you were meant to find. Trust me. 🙂
